Your Uncomfortable Truth

Hey! Remember when you used to trust people with your feelings? What, were you like 7? You fell on the wet tiles and told your mum that bloody well hurts! Well welcome to adulthood. Where we package, label and store our feelings in the massive warehouse of our hearts. Those skull-cracking wet tiles now come in an array of adversity, betrayal and marbled rejection. And your mum is anyone with ears.

If you’re lucky, you’ve probably met a couple of people in your life that have assured you of the safe space they bring with them. That you could open up about what ails you. And sometimes they do exactly that. But sometimes, your truth is not only ugly, its too uncomfortable. “That’s a really f*cked up thing to say.” One of my favorites, “shouldn’t you be over this by now?” These are really confusing phrases for the heart to recognize as “supportive”, and slowly it becomes conditioned to be stingy in what it discloses. Filled to the brim with feels, there’s nowhere else to go but up. An expulsion of the overflow will reach your eyes and once there, expose you. In the form of tiny droplets that carry the weight of the world.

This is the way we live. It's one of the unspoken rules of life nobody wants to admit to. We’re all too busy being entitled, distracted, offended, ego-owned that we don’t even recognize when someone’s heart is breaking right in front of us. We are inconvenienced by each other’s pain. A meme is not going to lift a friend’s depression. An inspirational quote is not going to embrace a grieving father. And telling someone that everyone has problems will certainly not wipe away a loved one’s suicidal thoughts.

2020 has been an open attack on people’s bodies thanks to Rona. And it feels that the lockdown has been the same on everyone’s mind, heart, and spirit. Man, if someone seems a bit distant, moody, spacey…ask if they are okay. Ask them again. Ask them a third time and watch how their answer might change. If they do open up, remember that as much as you are making an effort to be there for them, they are making an equal amount of effort by trusting you with their truth. Get comfortable with real words and phrases such as hopeless, anxious, ashamed, abused, suicidal, addiction. Put your preaching into practice and actually go there with someone.

No-one is asking you to be a therapist. Most of the time all someone needs is someone to truly listen to them, acknowledge their experience, and know that they are seen. And if they’re okay with it and you’re okay with it, give them a squeeze.

There are tortoises that help their overturned buddy tortoises by flipping them over. They might have tough, hard shells, but it doesn’t make them invincible. So lift someone up when they’re overturned. Be a human!

And also… be a tortoise.