My Boundaries Are Not Limitless

Boundaries

Ever heard of those? Some people have no idea what they even are, mostly because they don’t have many, if any at all. They’re a fine line though, and you usually have to check yourself when you sense one is about to be crossed.

I’ll give you an example. Someone invites you to a braai they’re having at their new house and you tell them that even though you’d love to you have a ton of work to do. They say well its in the evening so maybe you can take a break for a bit and then get back to a late shift afterwards. You say, ah I wish (already uncomfortable) but I’m catching up on 2 weeks of missed work so its gonna be all day and nighters for a while. To someone with boundaries…well they would have accepted your first response..but if not, they would accept with grace and wish you luck on your flood of work. To the person who doesn’t know what a boundary is, they will take it a step further and say something like ah come on, I never get to see you, or its gonna be lit or even worse, you always do this. Ugh! Maybe its a pet peeve of mine but I can’t stand when someone can’t sense you’re uncomfortable and proceeds to make you feel even worse, and most likely if you’re a people pleaser (like me) you’ll end up doing what they’ve basically bullied you into doing.

Now let’s talk about what really gets under my skin, right up in there amongst the itch receptors. What, that’s a real thing! When this same group of people comes into contact with my children. Any children actually. This is an example of how that joyful scenario plays out.

“Hey Chloe (random name inserted) did you brush your teeth today? Your teeth look like mielies” (clearly hilarious to the adult)

“Yes I did!” Chloe is visibly hurt by this remark

“Are ya sure Chloe, I can see some food in between them” (this guy woke up feeling funny)

“No there’s no food in my teeth!” Chloe is genuinely upset

“Oh my gosh Chloe that’s what that smell is I thought it was garbage day.” (guy turns to fellow adult and thinks he’s concealing his laughter)

Chloe starts to cry or becomes silent and withdrawn.

Dickbag proceeds to say Ohhh I was only joking, Chloe and probably forces a hug on her.

Your skin tingling with rage yet? I think I actually upset myself while writing that.

What people sometimes forget is how their brain used to work as a kid. Sociably, kid brains are miles apart from a grown up's. They take things literally, at face value. They are beautifully naive and what these people do is take advantage of that by provoking them, teasing them, bullying them and putting up their huge umbrella called JOKING. That’s where the fine lines of boundaries come in to all this. Here’s some jokes a kid will appreciate: The Interrupting Cow, funny faces, pretend to fall off a couch and you’ll have them in stitches. You wanna make them laugh, get inside their brain and actually MAKE them laugh. Don’t make them cry and laugh at how frustrated they’re getting with your dumb ass.

If someone in your life does this, sometimes they won’t even pick up on your cues to cut that shit out. They even feel entitled to tease your kids or "prepare them for the real bullies of the world". If they persist, then you persist. Make them uncomfortable, you’re allowed to they’re grown! But also, equip your child to let someone know when they are making them feel uncomfortable. If they’re too young to articulate that then always ask how certain people make them feel. And then consider making a few changes to the people you allow to spend a lot of time with your kids. Some people might think I’m overreacting and that’s completely fine. But let’s all remind each other that sometimes these little guys need standing up for, and not JUST when they get hurt in the playground by some 7 year old troublemaker. Sometimes the culprits are sitting having tea with us in our living room.

Establish those boundaries. If you don’t like people calling your kids sexy (another one of my puke buttons) let them know. If you can’t stand people over feeding your child, stop them immediately. If you or your child doesn't feel for cuddles, even get a personalised Tshirt saying umm excuse me what you're doing is making me uncomfortable! Or something more brief and quippy! Why must YOU feel uncomfortable you’re the one that stored them in your body for 9 months, that was uncomfortable enough!

Speak up Mom! If they say anything just call me, I’ll sort them out one time!